Cricket In A Spin

The ECB has been in a right mess of late. Not least because the absurd situation that developed around the rift between former coach, Peter Moores, and his Captain, Kevin Pietersen, which resulted in both being dismissed which showed a lack of management skills, but they then followed it up with the piece de resistance when the saviour of English 20-20 cricket, Sir Allen Stanford, was arrested for a $9bn financial fraud.

So, the theory is, having bungled monumentally lately, they are taking no chances in appointing the new coach, ready for the vital Ashes Series this Summer.

The Next Cock Up

In doing so, the ECB has hired Executive Headhunting firm Odgers Ray & Berndtson to handle the recruitment process.

Clang!

Yes, for those of us in industry, ORB have a decent reputation in their field although many would argue most of these headhunting agencies are just glorified CV sifters who have zero experience in industry so would have difficulty spotting and motivating talent even if it came up and slapped them in the face with a damp kipper. So expecting them to have the ability to find a cricket coach is about as stupid as organising a pointless triangular tournament for $20m prize money in the Caribbean not even between two countries.

Besides I don't think anyone in ORB has any experience of Test cricket barring watching the odd game in a Corporate Box unless I'm mistaken - that has never stopped Headhunters talking a fine story in industry in the past but I would assert some knowledge of the sport would be pretty essential outside of reading Wisden.

Again, Giles Clarke, the CEO of the ECB, excels himself in his ability to waste money and time in producing an array of the usual suspects that he could have read the back pages of most newspapers and found out for himself. Quite why he thought that an Executive Headhunting firm could have read those pages better or quicker than he or his management is quite beyond belief.

The Suspects

So the Headhunters have drawn up a short list. Miraculously they all are something to do with cricket, although only two of them have really played any Test cricket, one of the others had a game or two and one only played just 7 games in first class cricket - perhaps they should have looked at some decent pub cricket coaches too. Listening to the likes of Geoff Boycott, Ian Botham, Nasser Hussein and Jonathan Agnew - and they are an assembly that have a good deal of experience at the highest level - you might be led to believe that having Test level experience is pretty fundamental. So it would be great to see what the ECB gave as criteria because this list really could have been put together one afternoon in Trap 1 reading the back pages of the Times and the Telegraph.

1) Andy Flowers - Formerly a fine Test cricketer from Zimbabwe who is now British. He averaged over 50 at Test level and that would enthuse the likes of Boycott. Sadly, as current Assistant Coach under the defunct Moores, he is perhaps tarred with the same brush. However, the man who received the toughest of treatment, former captain, KP, is one of Flowers' biggest supporters for the job and it could be fair to say he has done well as Acting Head Coach in the West Indies. After his batsmen have scored 8 centuries so far he could argue they are playing well, but at 1-0 down and yet to take 20 wickets in any of the Tests, it could argued he is one dimensional as a former batsman.

2) Ashley Giles - One of the heroes of Ashes 2005, England and Warwickshire's former left arm spinner and average late middle order batsman is ever popular in England. He is currently Director of Cricket at Warwickshire and has been their spin coach. He is a good lad in the dressing room and that could be one of his weaknesses. Strongly associated with former captain Michael Vaughan, he may be too close to the players to exert sufficient authority.

3) Graham Ford - Yes, who? A South African who is currently Director of Cricket at Kent, has the vast experience of playing just 7 first class matches and scored just 142 runs in the process. This puts him marginally ahead of me and a swathe of decent club and pub cricketers. Whilst some of his charges at Kent are supportive, it is prominent that he turned down one of the dream jobs in cricket which was to coach India while he is more of a media recluse than front man - and we thought Duncan Fletcher was bad. Frankly, how he made the list I don't know considering Kent haven't been exactly burning up the Championship - at least Fletcher proved himself by taking an unfancied team to the County Championship at Glamorgan.

4) Dav Whatmore - An Australian but we'll forgive him that although he may not be the ideal man to have around as coach when playing.....the Australians. Yes we have shades of Graham Henry coaching the Lions here. However, at least he did play a smidgen of Test cricket and in his 7 Tests he scored a mammoth 293 runs. He can certainly teach the likes of Strauss and Pietersen a thing or two then.

Actually he probably could. Having taken a second tier nation at Bangladesh to their first victories against top tier Test Nations, he has a good record of doing something with nothing - a strong qualifier for England. But there is a good deal more - he rebuilt Sri Lankan cricket and coached them to the thrilling World Cup win in 1996, he has coached Lancashire to double one-day cricket champions and is now Director of India's Cricketing Academy. This makes him sort of more of a one day specialist but what do I know?

He is widely respected and there is no doubt he has a superb track record working with lessor teams in international cricket which has earned him his plumb job now.

And that's it. No more candidates. Just because Headhunters are involved doesn't mean to say that we can poach other teams' coaches or find any up and coming talent who may be blazing a path to future glory. This is the sum of their diligent work.

Mistake After Mistake

Frankly, if the ECB are paying fees for that then they ought to be shot. Two blokes in a bar could have done the same in 30 minutes while they were more likely to come up with other, just as suitable, candidates. And why people like Tom Moody cannot be motivated to consider the position shows the Headhunters have just gone for fast track fees - the least path of resistance.

What do you expect? I suppose good on Odgers for diversifying from Finance and Hi Tech - no money in that any more.

Bring back Duncan Fletcher - all is forgiven, except that dreadful book you wrote!

It's Just Not Cricket

Call me old fashioned, but I am a bit of a cricketing snob. Don't get me wrong, I just love the new 20-20 cricket and would love to see the new IPL on TV - I think it is true 'Blue Ocean' thinking on a previously tired sport. But when a Texan billionaire offers $20m just to stage a couple of games in the Caribbean, some of them against County opposition, you had to wonder what was the point.

Because he could, would seem to be the answer. When I first read it, I had to look the guy up and since I used his name in my blog on Cricket and Blue Ocean Thinking - Sir Allen Stanford, for indeed he is a Sir, albeit conferred on him by an island other than Great Britain, seemed to be a kosher billionaire. I tried to look at where his cricketing credentials had come from - did he play once even in a pub team? You don't get much cricket in Texas as far as I'm aware. It turned out his connection was with the Caribbean. If you looked at his website when I had done, very little was revealed about the sources of his wealth other than to say his companies were passed down to him from his father and that he was extremely active in Caribbean life and charities there. He seemed like the sort of guy you would be very keen to tap up for a few million for a couple of games of cricket.

Furthering The Sport

It comes as a bit of embarrassment then that just days after his re-election as Chairman of the ECB, Giles Clarke, who was instrumental at negotiating and putting together these daft games as part of the 'Stanford Super Series', has seen Sir Allen arrested by US Authorities in an alleged $8bn financial fraud.

When the actual games were played last year, we had the daft sight of England playing the Stanford Superstars Team (who were a select bunch of West Indian cricketers) for a one-off, winner-takes-all $20 million bonanza. It proved very little and the only thing about the England Team that turned up were their wives and girlfriends - it was a farce. Undeterred, Clarke had felt that this was some sort of template for a future series and succumbed to negotiating for more of these pointless matches, when the real action was taking place in India and the real goal should have been how to accommodate the single most exciting thing to happen to cricket for years into the packed cricket calendar instead of packing it even more with meaningless games.

Not wishing to pre-empt things but perhaps the best thing that could have happened was that the founder of the dull series was arrested for alleged fraud so that the matter could be ended once and for all. While Giles Clarke may not be linked to the fraud, of course, it would seem an appropriate time to question his judgement on England's future, already dim enough ahead of the 2009 Ashes, and ask him to resign. Let's not even start mentioning his handling of the Kevin Pietersen captaincy fiasco.

End of An Era

Again, as a bit of a cricketing snob, and a greater lover of things like Test Match Special, on TV you simply could not beat the acid tones of Richie Benaud's insightful commentary. It is the end of an age of brilliant commentary as, at the ripe old age of 78, he has finally decided to hang up his microphone and depart the field.

I have always been a poor imitator of Benaud, with his crooked mouth and one-eyed delivery but that has never stopped me trying and boring everyone senseless with my 'What a great delivery', 'That's the shot of the day', 'He's gone', 'Thank you Jim, good morning everyone', and 'The only cold thing I had after a day's cricket was a beer.' At one time, just about all of my friends were at it giving imitations of varying degrees of worthiness of the great man. We even managed to get hold of the hilarious sets of Aussie tapes which spoof the whole Channel 9 commentary team who have difficulty pronouncing the Sri Lankan cricket teams' names. These tapes would be repeated every Summer whenever there was a bit of cricket on and like Monty Python they had an evergreen comic value.

So imagine should you ever be stuck on a plane from the South of France and you sit next to the Great Man himself, Richie Benaud. This did not happen to me, but it did to my old rugby playing friend whose only knowledge of cricket was that Benaud was a commentator. So when my friend related the story it went along the lines of this.

'I bet you didn't know how to spell Richie Benaud's name,' he said as openers. Showing my friend my copy of 'Richie Benaud, my spin on cricket' I explained I was one of his best fans so I did and knew the French connection through his autobiography. 'Well,' he continued, 'I'll bet you didn't know he played cricket.' I was aghast. Apparently Benaud had said to him that he originally came to England in 1954 - my friend remarked that was young for a commentator and Benaud explained that he had been an Australian Test Cricketer and indeed had captained the side later.

'Really?' said my friend. 'You know I have a mate back home who does a great imitation of you - here listen to this. I keep my teeth inside a jar, I broke me 'and, dad,' and various other lines from the stupid tapes including the vernacular. Benaud, get increasingly nervous and horrified, had no idea what he was talking about and clearly thought my friend had confused him with someone else or was indeed just bonkers. Finally, having met again at the luggage carousel, my friend had invited Richie to the Garibaldi pub in St Albans and he happily agreed to come along and meet all these friends who could impersonate him so well. To my knowledge Benaud has not yet made good on that promise. I wonder why.

Richie Benaud gave up commentating in the UK when cricket moved away from free to view TV - it was the mark of the man that he believed it should be viewed by as many people as possible. He is one of the greatest of all, the finest leg spinner in the game before Shane Warne and one of the greatest Australian Captains of all - he was a Professor of the game and his insight, acerbic comments and Aussie lilt will be much missed by the purists.

I wonder what Benaud would have said if Giles Clarke had asked his opinion of the farcical Stanford Series before he ventured down that path?