Bonus For The Desk Jockeys

The rasping attacks by former heads of the Services are still ringing in their ears but the Government still seems hell-bent on lurching from one dumb scandal to the next.

Hardly has the dust settled on the stupidity of not allowing the TAs to train properly in order to save £20m, we find that the faceless civil servants behind the desks in the MoD have shared in £47m of bonuses. We hear of project overruns, inflated prices for contracts, kit gone missing, not enough protective armour or troops and transport, whole regiments being disbanded, training without live ammunition - we hear of over 90 heroes dying this year alone and hundreds injured - and who gets the plaudits for an 'excellent job'?

It makes you absolutely sick - Alan Johnson, the would be PM and his inadequate henchman, Bob Ainsworth, plus the PM are a shocking disgrace.

The Patient is Not Responding - Hit Him Again

The operating theatre euphoria dies down as the man in the white coat and thick glasses points at the bank of monitors and speaks in a weak voice.

“Em, I said it looks as if the patient’s recovery has faltered,” said Dr. King in a frail voice. L. Ron Mandelson gave him a look of pure evil. The rest of the team looked down at the patient, a Mr. British Economy, who had looked as if he was recovering from his massive open heart surgery in the wake of a severe heart attack suffered due to incredible over indulgence.

“But I thought the surgery went well,” stammered Nurse Darling. "All the other people operated on from France, Germany, Japan and USA have recovered while the Italian one is getting better despite being fatter and with all that plastic surgery that he had too."

“The expensive sticky plaster is holding the heart in place nicely, indeed,” remarked a man in an expensive suit, a Dr. I. Banker. “The vital signs have wained but a new boost of intravenous QE should sort it out. Get another bag.”

“Hold on,” said Dr. King. “That’s bloody expensive stuff you know – we’ve put in £175bn so far. We are not made of money, you know.”

“To my mind, you are,” replied I. Banker tersely. He gave L. Ron Mandelson a nod. He smiled back and turned to King and twisted his ear.

In the corner, a man with manic look on his face was putting weights on a rubber band scale which was connected to a speaker which made an annoying ‘weee, pop’ noise.

“Who is that idiot making that noise,” asked Professor Brown.

“That’s Dr. Sants,” replied and adviser. “He’s besotted with his new Stress-Testing Machine. I’ll tell him to stop.”

“Tell his boss to tell him,” snapped Prof. Brown.

“Erm, he is the one in the corner tied to a chair and gagged, sir. The one with the notice saying ‘Loony’ around his neck at the request of Dr. Banker, sir.”

A lady shuffled forward. “Before you put that bag of QE on the drip, I would like to point out that the last lot of QE had no effect. In fact I think it isn’t getting into the patient at all but it’s been diverted by another tube into this drain which says ‘Financial System’.” Whoever she was, L. Ron Mandelson cuffed her on the head and told security to remove her.

“I wouldn’t give the patient QE, try cannabis,” said a man. L. Ron Mandelson immediately cuffed the man on the head and had Porter Johnson remove him.

“I don’t pay you to advise, Nutt,” remarked Johnson. “ I pay you to toe the line.”

“You don’t pay me at all,” remarked the man.

“Precisely my point, Nutt” hissed Johnson as he threw him out.

“Right,” said Dr. Banker. “All agreed?”

Everyone looked at one another before L. Ron Mandelson dug his elbow into Prof. Brown’s ribs with some venom.

“Ow,” screeched Prof. Brown. “Yes, yes, of course, all agreed.”

“Good,” said Banker. “I’ll add that to our fees and £25bn extra QE via drip please, Nurse.”

“Wait, wait,” interjected Nurse Darling excitedly. “What about that idea of the Government being a Hedge Fund and buying further into our hopeless banks. It sounds as if everything is just going down the toilet.”

“Trust me,” replied Banker. “I know what I’m doing - as if I would ever lose you billions? You don’t think you pay all those fees for nothing, do you? Just buy the shares and put the QE in and stop asking irrelevant questions. "

Double Talk

Have you noticed how Politicians and businesspeople have that wonderful ability to throw a 'feint'? When asked a specific question on a matter they either conveniently manipulate the answer to a completely different question or, in some cases, they answer the question with such assertion, authority or indignation that it sounds as if they mean what they say but mean the opposite.

We have had great examples of these this week as the Government faces creeping dissatisfaction with its leadership. Harriet Harman has been pretty obvious in her desire to be the next Labour Party leader and has dismissed as 'Utter rubbish' the notion that she is plotting to be such. Her mock indignation was a little transparent as her actions give away her motives but she can conveniently point to several others who may be plotting the same.

Alan Johnson, Health Secretary, who really should have his hands full at this uncertain time with Swine Flu posing serious questions, took time to deny his desire to be leader by saying, 'I have no aspirations to be leader.' He was quite believable until he qualified it and said, 'I am not saying there are no circumstances' when asked if things changed of their own accord for the increasingly beleaguered Gordon Brown.

The vultures are certainly circling. Hazel Blears' inopportune comments about 'lamentable communication' were deemed as out of context although reading the transcript of what she said, it was pretty unequivocal as she mentioned Brown's ill-fated YouTube addresses.

It coincides with some heavy comments from a former minister who certainly felt they had been hard done by. Charles Clarke, the perennial failure, said of recent events that they had left him felling 'ashamed to be a Labour MP'. Leaping to the defence of the leadership were party heavyweights like Lord Kinnock, who asserted that infighting would hand victories to the BNP. It seems Lord Kinnock has been spending too much time abroad as the Polls have the Conservatives and Lib Dems slightly ahead of the BNP as the big threat to the Labour Government.

Justice Secretary, Jack Straw, also pledged his support to Brown and perhaps the last nail in the coffin was a rallying call from John 'Judge me on my record' Prescott who called upon members to stop whinging and get behind the leader, though I think it was not clear which leader he meant.

The duplicitous comments from a growing throng of MPs seemed to show signs of concern that the bandwagon has finally lost its wheels. A year or so ago, Brown was facing calls to end his leadership for entirely different matters, and just as the Falklands had conveniently deflected such calls on Thatcher in her reign, the Credit Crunch and Recession had helped Brown to try and recreate his image as a financially astute leader. That seems to have backfired as so many obvious mistakes have been made on comparatively small matters like Goodwin's pension that everyone is now questioning how big the mistakes have been generally.

The real wobbler came this week, after a major climbdown in the poor handling of the MPs' expenses affair, the dreadful vote of Gurkha rights to live in Britain horribly backfired and exposed how out of touch Labour thinking was on matters of honour. It seemed to expose the whole attitude before and after the main financial crises and showed where Labour, or at least the Leader's, morals lay.

He would rather support greedy bankers who ruined our economy with a total of £1.3 trillion of our money than spend a small amount in comparison on people who have pledged to die for us.

I suppose it is the way of Politics to cackle and snipe like hyenas to wear the prey down without direct attack but it is pretty clear that Brown's days are numbered. The very fact that he is being talked about at all means they are unhappy.

Plague, Earthquakes - What Next Mexico?

Mexico isn't having much luck. Nearly 150 people are known to have died from the outbreak of swine flu and Mexico City, the largest city in the world, has been described as a 'ghost town' as transport services and shops have shut down.

Just as you might turn up a dodgy 'Chance' card on your Monopoly Board, airline stocks have crashed on fears that people may stop travelling due to fear of catching the virus.

Cases have now been identified in the US and two have been confirmed in returning holidaymakers in Airdrie, in the UK, as well as other countries. What is the only scrap of comfort so far is that all cases outside of Mexico have not resulted in any fatalities. There are several theories on this - perhaps the virus mutates as it passes from person to person, perhaps it is a less virulent strain to certain types of people, maybe a higher percentage of us get flu vaccines or maybe it is the fact that the Mexican health service is really not handling this too well. Who knows.

More Bad News

As I write, an earthquake measuring 6.0 on the Richter Scale has rocked Mexico City and buildings have shook causing a good deal of panic. I am pretty sure the people of Mexico are beginning to think what have they done to deserve these 'manifestations' - and if they come in three's, what next?

It is not a nice subject and those who have been afflicted by the swine flu have described it as totally debilitating. As one who had thought that every nasty cold I ever had was flu, I got the real thing over Christmas in 1999, going down on Christmas Day and rose again, like Lazarus, on New Year's Eve to watch a firework display and sip a champagne before going back to bed. I couldn't sleep because every time my head went from the upright position, I couldn't breath and I did not have the energy to get out of bed - it lasted over a week and I honestly thought at one point that even if the flu did not get me, then I would put myself out of my misery but did not have the strength to even do that.

It sounds as if swine flu will hit just as hard. Be wary, as although Britain is well prepared according to Alan Johnson, I just hope we haven't spent all our money saving the skins of bankers in preference to real people.

Top up on your Lemsip - it won't do any good but at least you can say you're prepared.

When Acheiving Targets Leads To Failure

As if enough isn't going wrong for the Government. The NHS Watchdog report into the dreadful drop in standards at Stafford Hospital which it is alleged was caused by focusing too hard on targets and not on patient care, may be the thin end of the wedge when it comes to the NHS generally.

It has caused not only the Health Secretary, Alan Johnson, to publicly apologise to families affected but the Prime Minister too. Johnson, who many believed was on a fast-track to potential party leadership, has seen his credibility severely eroded over the affair but this has all the tell-tale signs of more 'laissez faire' Government so much at the heart of the New Labour Project.

Targets And Health

Targets have been a feature of this Government and it is always good to have accountability in any organisation, whether in the public or private sector. Value for money is also important to make sure money being spent is helping achieve something rather than being sent down a large drain. But when it comes to healthcare, the primary target has to be about the survival and treatment of patients and this is something that the Government and the NHS has lost sight of. The growth in instances of superbugs being contracted after treatment at hospitals is now getting alarming and only yesterday I took a relative to a hospital where food lay discarded on the floor and sinks were dirty yet signs proudly displayed that the hospital had met its targets on decreasing waiting times for outpatients. That claim seemed debatable as we sat there for over an hour past the appointment time only to be told that it was the time taken to register you at check in which needed to be below the hour.

The NHS Watchdog revealed that Stafford Hospital had over 400 excess deaths between 2005 and 2008. While it is impossible to work out what an excess death is all about other than by looking at countrywide averages which may be misleading as there may be more critically ill people looked after in Stafford, but what the report did focus on was that there were 'deficiencies' at almost every stage within the treatment process.

Despite all the rhetoric and promise of the Government about healthcare standards and money going into the NHS, it was found that low staffing levels, inadequate nursing, lack of equipment, lack of leadership, poor training, and ineffective systems blighted the fulfilment of healthcare with things getting so bad at the hospital that receptionists were drafted in to do initial assessments. There is little doubt that these factors played a major part in the excess death rate.

To add to the misery for the Government, a new agency takes over from the Healthcare Commission, the Care Quality Commission, and the new CEO, Cynthia Bower, was the Head of the Strategic Health Authority responsible for Stafford Hospital in 2006. So we can expect a general lowering of standards in the future, is the implication asserted by Opposition MPs.

The Wider Issues

I live in an area which has 3 major hospitals at St Albans, Watford and Hemel Hempstead. There was a time when each had Accident and Emergency Departments, this has been consolidated to just one, at Watford General. It has been revealed that both Hemel Hempstead and St Albans will be effectively closing down many of their services and they will all be transferred to Watford General which is having a new building to cope. For the population who find it difficult to get to hospitals when they are relatively close, this will be a major blow. Apart from the fact it costs a minimum of £3 to park and have a short appointment or visit someone which is just profiteering, the care of patients seems to be well down the pecking order when measured against the targets the health region needs to achieve, most notably to cut costs.

I am sure that a great deal of costs can be saved by doing this but judging by the full waiting room at St Albans yesterday, a lot of people are going to struggle to get good treatment, if any. I should explain that Watford General abuts Watford FC's ground on Vicarage Road just off the centre of Watford. To access it you from either Hemel Hempstead or St Albans you have to negotiate the busy ring road system and on match days (remembering these will be more frequent than usual as Watford ground share with Saracens Rugby Club) or busy shopping days, traffic can be gridlocked.

Anyone requiring critical emergency treatment may find it quicker to get to an undertakers.

That's not all. A very good friend of mine was a nurse and rose to become a senior administrator at a major hospital in West London. She told me the only way to hit targets and not to get penalised by funding withdrawal penalties was to reallocate senior surgeons and consultants away from life saving, expensive and lengthy operations and switch them to minor operations like in-growing toenails as more of these could be done in shorter times. It caused massive uproar and many skilled people being demeaned enough to join private practices and firms as well as waiting lists for life saving treatments getting extended.

The growth of the career administrator at healthcare authorities and hospitals has presided over the decline in standards as suddenly hospitals have been run as commercial bodies rather than centres for the treatment of patients. The salaries are fabulous and there is a massive opportunity for thinly skilled interims to make over £1,000 per day for short assignments - it's a feeding ground for accountants and cost cutting experts to make money.

The IT side is the other fiasco. Full to the brim of contractors, consultants and external advisers, healthcare has become one of the most lucrative areas for IT firms as the NHS and the authorities have no idea what they want and so IT companies charge whatever they like. The consolidated patient information system - a national database of medical records has been promised for years and has consumed billions while ambulance dispatch systems produced shambolic processes and caused more harm than good while costing a fortune. The accountability for misspent money is tiny yet the accountability for missing a simple target is huge.

Getting The Balance Right

On a recent trip to France, our companions informed us that France had more hospitals, doctors and nurses per head of population than Britain and the system was clean, efficient and modern - a far cry from the British set up. Our companion should know a thing or two about it as he is one of the world's leading authorities in the field of Pharmacology.

As with bank bail outs, there seems to be an obsession within this Government that 'big that is beautiful' which says more hospitals can be absorbed into less bigger ones and that masses of money can be spent therefore that must treat the problems. It seems that there is incompetence all round and that Stafford Hospital is the first to slip through the net of statistics and lies and let the truth be told. For patients, what has been observed at Stafford comes as no big surprise. Take away Government statistics, targets and made up figures and the reality is dreadful treatment, low staff standards, lack of adequate equipment, long queues and poor cleanliness while the NHS actually shrinks rather than expands to take care of an expanding and ageing population.

It seems that the balance is all wrong. The only real measurement of the NHS should be the health of its patients, and that is one statistic you will not see on the budget sheets.