Monday, 18 May 2009

Will Politics Ever Be The Same Again?

David Cameron is petitioning for an election, Nick Clegg broke the unwritten law in calling for the Speaker's head, the Speaker could not remove his head from his own backside, Hazel Blears has replaced Tony Blair as Britain's most pious politician, Ben Chapman is not another MP on the fiddle, Esther Rantzen is thinking of standing as an MP and Frank Carson has backed UKIP.
British Politics has changed forever, surely.

It's a week we may all look back on as a defining moment in British democratic history. After years of systematically believing all that we have been told, we have found out that the British Political system is, in fact, as corrupt as it looked. On a day when Gordon Brown and Peter Mandelson crept out of some dark cupboard at a car dealership and accosted a lone customer like two desperate secondhand car salesmen some way off their quota, we saw the stupidity of their ill thought plans when VAT on the scrappage deal got in the way. Clearly no one had bothered to look at the fine print, the minor marginal details or the fact that £2,000 is nothing compared to the deals to be had on less than 1 year old unregistered cars blocking the forecourts.

In reality, if we got the chance, we would all emigrate or at least become non-domiciled to evade tax like all the rich people. But we shouldn't. More mortgages were granted last month, foreigners reckon British property is cheap, banks are posting record incomes and will surely pay back all the money they owe us, the pound is rising from the ashes, the stock market is going up and England have gone 2-0 up in a Test series. If you had predicted all that a month ago, you could have had long odds, particularly on the cricket front. The only sure thing we thought would happen was Manchester United winning their 11th Premiership Title.

I am going to make some more predictions. There will be a General Election in May next year and Labour will win, England will have won back the Ashes, Europe will win back the Ryder Cup, Wales will win the Grand Slam, Peter Mandelson will be Prime Minister and an asteroid will have destroyed the Moon. Ladbrokes gave me short odds on the Moon destruction but slightly longer on the rest.

I joke of course as Mandelson will be too busy contesting 'I was a Celebrity, get me in here' a new show for failed and dodgy politicians, but I have a suspicion that Brown will not be Prime Minister but Michael Martin will still lead the house. While the electorate may see sense, the MPs themselves would never rat on one of their own so Martin will stay. Let's hope at the next Election we all vote out every single MP who took us for granted, that includes Brown and his cleaning bill at £3k+ a year.

What price Frank Carson for PM? We already have had one overweight comedian as a deputy so why not the whole hog?

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