'Facts, Hercule, facts!' was a cry from Inspector Clouseau in the famous Pink Panther Films - the new ones are not a patch on the masterful versions starring Peter Sellars, by the way. However, some facts really are worth knowing.
Whining About Wine
Having just returned from a short break in France, I was alarmed to find that the prices of wine were going up and up thanks to that nasty old Euro rate. However, the average bottle of wine in the UK is £4.08. Various taxes account for the bulk of that and of the expensive brands, marketing can be as much as £1 per bottle. But the average cost of the wine itself is just 30p.
In a nation that has become the largest consumers of wine and where beer sales dropped 5% last quarter, we must be mad to spend out meagre monies on it.
Meanwhile, pubs are shutting down at the rate of 39 per week due to the downturn. Last year 1,973 pubs shut and that number was up 40% on the number of closures in 2007.
Drooping Sales
While there has been much publicity about the car industry and bank bail outs which have consumed so much of our tax money for now and the future, spare a thought for the porn business. Last quarter sales wilted by 25% and Larry Flint has gone to the US Congress asking for $5bn to renew the business in a kind of Fiscal Stimulus package similar to Viagra.
In doing so, Flint must wait in the queue as the ailing illicit drug and car jacking businesses are first in line for cash.
Keeping Sales Up
The good old British worker is doing their bit for keeping Blighty alive. In a recent survey, more than 60% of online shopping was done while at work.
Sadly online sales of Ferraris and Aston Martins have dropped now that there has been a cull in the City.
Welcome To Facebook - Have Your Passport Ready, Please
Facebook now claims over 150m members of its online community. If Facebook were a country it would be the eighth largest in the world but its GDP would be less than the average family of mice. It's a funny old world.
Freezing Recession
The last major recession was in 1991 and coincidentally it was the last year we had major snowfall, which spookily makes you believe recessions are a natural phenomenon rather than man made. I would just love to see Gordon Brown try that excuse - mind you it's more plausible in believing the recession started with sub-prime, that is really beyond the realms of fantasy.
Meanwhile, during the recent snow storms it was estimated 1 in 5 people did not show up for work.
Phew! That Was Close
On September 18, 2008, around $550bn was drawn out of money market accounts in an electronic run on US banks. The Fed stepped in to guarantee deposits and if they had not done so it was estimated that the US economy would have collapsed 'By two in the afternoon'.
Damn, I could have bought Texas for 37p.
On Your Bike
I have been really impressed on recent visits to Paris that in many public places you can rent a bicycle on a pay-as-you-go basis and get around town cheaply and environmentally friendlily. Sadly for the company who supplies these bikes, an advertising company, around 7,800 bikes have gone missing while a further 11,600 have been vandalised. Paris made €20m on this service last year but the advertising company has had to foot the bill for the losses.
Nice idea, bad assumptions - the scourge of all great business ideas.
Fancy A Drink?
Lastly, a Hindu Organisation in India is marketing a drink called Gau Jal which simply means Cow Water as a healthy alternative to Coke and Pepsi. At least they only rot your teeth and insides, cow water is actually better known as bovine urine and is said to have ayurvedic benefits.
I don't even know what ayurvedic benefits are - but I think I will stick to beer.
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