Mandelson Attacks Green Soup

In a bizarre scene outside his Presidential Jaguar, Lord Mandelson appeared to hurl himself at a cup of green soup.

In a bold protest in favour of the new runway at Heathrow which will destroy an entire village and displace 900 inhabitants to further Britain's economic prowess, Mandelson made the strength of his conviction show by ducking directly at the cup and forcibly head butted the contents of the cup, held by a lady who is apparently against the new runway project on account of the environmental issues.

Lord Mandelson, clearly upset by the lady's and her soup's views, had recently said that the Government was not a bank and would selectively bail out businesses which supported a new greener economy. Of course, he had his fingers behind his back at the time and immediately instructed one of his lacky Ministers, Geoff 'Yes Sir' Hoon, to go ahead with the plan to build the new runway at Heathrow.

The soup, which at first was thought to be just an innocent green custard, is currently lying stricken in the gutter and is expected not to pull through the ordeal. It's family have asked the public respect the soup's privacy and its father has expressed outrage that his son's dying moment was to be instigated by a serving Government Minister, Peer of the realm and Lord Mandelson to boot. The lady whose soup it was is apparently not going to press charges despite the force of the attack and loss of property.

Lord Mandelson was unavailable for comment and due to some missing pages in his diary nobody is sure of his whereabouts. Expensive yachts in the Mediterranean are being checked and Interpol has issued a photofit picture of a man scratching a rich Russian Oligarch's back.

He is very dangerous to the economy and members of the public are warned not approach unless they have a cup of soup to hand.